Separated and Sad

[Michael Mc C]

Hey Choc, write a damn book... I wish I had read some of your thoughts back in September when my sitch started. You have a way of getting points across. You are so right - she does NOT deserve the intense emotional interaction until lodo has her undivided attention.

lodo - I have been there too. This is not our first sitch, only our first sitch involving an OM. And never doubt whether or not you deserve to be treated better. Don't base it on what your wife can provide, base it on what YOU want and need.

Can your W provide your needs? Right now, no. She's making that clear. What about when OM goes away? She will still have ambitions - which is fine but where will you rate? I'm not trying to bring you down, these are questions I ask myself everyday.

Will both of you be willing to find out whether or not you and your W can balance your marriage along with your SEPARATE lives (ambitions, career, external friends, etc.)? These all feed into the marriage but only because they are things that we as individuals bring. We share these things with our spouse and we do not view them as competitive entities to our marriage.

I hope I'm making sense with this. Right now I want the chance to try. I am also quite certain my wife sees being alone as a much easier (and therefore "desirable") choice.