Well I saw my C today. i told her about the latest events in my life. She feels that it is unhealthly for H to be living at home right now. She thinks I was way stronger and doing better when he wasn't here. For the last 2 weeks I have been very tired and just wanting to sleep. She thinks that my body is shutting down because I don't want to deal with this. I can't tell her why I have let him back in because I really am unsure of how I feel. H is saying all the right things and is putting effort into our R even when I am not. He tells me he loves me and he is so sorry everyday at least 5 times a day. I just can't respond to him. I am not ready to tell him I love him yet. Holy this is hard. i just want to sleep for the next 6 months and wake up with this behind me. I know it won't help or make it go away, it's just how I feel right now. Our anniversary is coming up and I don't even feel like acknowledging it. I was planning a trip to a hot springs with him. It included a couples massage but after he gave the OW a "Justt For Her massage" for X-mas I don't want to anymore. I am very torn on my feelings for him right now.
Me:32 H: 34 T: 12 YEARS M: ALMOST 5 S: 8 D: 4 S: 14 (OTHER R) SEPERATED: 03/09/07 (but wanted to work on it) NEW SEPERATION: 27/11/07 (doesn't know what he wants) MOVED HOME 12/01/08 I'm acting as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me....Sara Evans
