Okay, I've sunk into a hole and I'm pissed about it. This has to stop. She is affecting me in ways I hate. She and I have these intense emotional encounters - I feel like we've shared more than we've shared in years - and then she shuts down, leaving me confused and reeling.
And I don't know what to do. Detach? Demand time together (since that was the problem in our M)? Act casual?
I've enlisted the help of friends/family, but she shuts them out to. When we talked the other night, she admitted that I'm the only one who really knows her.
We separated before - 8 years ago, before we were married. Same situation - she was in school and completely wrapped up in newness, challenges, and possibilities. It all burned out after 8 months and I had to pick up the pieces. The thing is, do I feel like dealing with that again? And when is the next time we go through this cycle? The A is secondary - I'm sure she's blowing OM off as much as me. It's her ambition that's the real OP.
Her sis said this, said she may not know how to ever make a R a priority. 12 years, though, we've been together and I've always been able to deal with it. Thing is, when I check out or stop paying attention to maintaining the emotional balance, things fall apart. That's what happened last time, that's what's happening now. Don't I deserve someone who can be there for me too?
Sorry for the vent. I'm pissed and confused and tired. lodo
