Engagement

[fearless]

OK, thanks for telling me because you are doing a pretty good imitation of someone who is trying to be hard on somebody else.

I've meant to ask you questions to help you figure things out. I know I don't have the answers. I just am kind of writing out my thoughts and hoping it might trigger some different thoughts from you. While I don't mean to be difficult, I know I am asking difficult questions.

So you see, right now, I making a phone call to set up a counselor as a small, achievable milestone, and having sex with my wife as science fiction.

But this is the question I have been asking. Does she know that the counselor appointment is THE step you are looking for versus the sex issues? I think you've made it clear to her that you have a problem with not having had sex. However I could understand that she MIGHT not connect that with getting to a counselor (even if she did say she would look into counseling). Maybe she does think she could sort it out herself??

Calling a counselor is not that big, in my mind.

I don't think it is asking too much to actually look to her to take that step herself.

Which is easier, having sex after not having any in 10 years, or making a phone call?

Although it's progress, it's still not the actions of someone who wants to save her marriage.

All of these are understandable feelings and comments.

Just out of curiosity, how relieved would you be if she just simply ignores the counseling and your requests so you can just go through with the divorce feeling like you gave her a chance and she didn't take advantage of the chance?

What does it mean when someone says they want to do something, but then they don't actually do it?

I completely understand those that say it is a clear sign that someone doesn't want to do it. Especially if the person is the type that seems to have a problem with ever saying no.

However I happen to be a woman that may say I want to do something, really do want to do it (if I don't want to do something, I have no trouble saying no) but don't immediately do it IF I'm feeling overwhelmed, tired, afraid, unsure, etc. By no means is this an excuse. It simply is what it is with me. (Feel sorry for Raven!!)