Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

Thanks for all of your support guys and for encouraging me not to give up.

Regarding the D, in Canada you can not file for D until minimum of one year after separation. That means we can't even look at one until Sept this year. I guess that's why I'm having a hard time with the house issue because really, that's as close as we can get to a D right now legally.

Having said that, it ain't over 'til it's over right?
I had a conversation with my sister about it today and she was quite supportive this time.
I was really honest about my feelings of not wanting to completely let go of the hope for him and for us. She encouraged me that letting all of this go including the finances and the house is just allowing him to find his way.
And when I think about, she's totall right. Just because we sell the house or I buy him out, doesn't mean that we can't reconcile.
But for some reason it does feel like I'm on the threshold of really believing that is over and still holding out hope.

This AGAIN, comes back to the same old DB principles. Make myself ok no matter what the outcome. I have posted this over and over again, but it makes perfect sense and I'm really needing the reminder right now. As usual I don't know who the original poster was, so I apologise...

Dropping the rope is not something you do.
It is a place that you reach.

You reach it when although you still love your spouse and would still like to see the marriage restored, you have begun to live for yourself happily again.

You drop the rope at the exact moment you know in your gut and in your soul that you ARE okay and further, that you will ALWAYS be okay. No matter what.

So this is threshold. And so I give myself credit for being this close to truly letting go. It is what will give us the best chance at reconciliation, but is necessary either way. It makes so much sense when you lay it all out. I can talk it until I'm blue in the face, but separating my heart from these facts is a much harder thing to do.
Again, I come back to another oldie but a goodie...

"Feelings are not facts..... My Chief task therefore, is to keep my thinking true and my behavior sound and go by what I KNOW, not how I FEEL."

Just call me the "QUOTE QUEEN"!

I feel like I'm at a better place today than I was last night. I have some research to do regarding the house issue so I can make the best possible decision for myself and my kids.
I'm glad H is being civol and is finally doing things appropriately. Although it was a little easier to handle when he was being alien boy because I could explain it all away. But this too is hopefully part of his cycling behaviour. More evidence that I have to remove myself from him to allow him to do whatever it is he is going to do.

I can't wait to get into my counselling session on Thursday! Between that and Yoga I've really got to get myself centred again.
Thanks again for everyone's support.
J~