NS - I know how your feel about the chore aspect. This is very difficult for both sides of the equation. Kudos to you for reaching out.
I'm glad you are trying to listen and understand. Men and women are different, but that doesn't have to be the end of it.
I don't see anything wrong with telling your W that you feel hurt by her attention to the movie stars. Tell her that if she feels that way about you, it's not hitting home. Tell her you are unhappy and think she is unhappy and that you want to make things better for both of you...then listen.
Communication is tricky. It often gets defensive and ugly. I tend to get tense and shut down. It's a delicate dance. I certainly haven't mastered it.
Personally, I don't think the movie star thing is that far removed from porn, which I have banned from my house. You have to choose your boundaries and stick with them.
