Just thought I'd pop in and say hello! I thought your last post was really insightful (not sure if that's a word- sorry if not!)
Originally Posted By: Essie
I can see that I do need to work on being happy in myself - then I wouldnt be disappointed with H. And if I dont work this issue out I will drag it into the next relationship.
Absolutely! I think being happy in yourself is the nirvana of DBing. As someone whose H used to always say 'you make me really happy', I know that being responsible for someone else's happiness is a huge pressure. Not that it was a problem when he WAS happy. But now, I can't work out for the life of me what I did wrong! It would be much better if H was happy in himself, and wanted to be with me as the icing ON the cake. I'm not happy being the cake itself!
(Sorry if I sound like some kind of parable teller. I think it's hereditary- when my Dad took me to University, his parting words were 'don't let the golf ball fall into the 18th hole'. I'll leave it to you to guess what he meant!)
Originally Posted By: Essie
As far as I know H is doing crap without me (yay)..
FANTASTIC NEWS!!
Originally Posted By: Essie
Separation is paradise after that year, let me tell you!
Essie- I thought this was a really interesting thing that you mentioned. From what I understand from your description of the last year, it sounds like a hard time for both you and H. I can't remember how long you and H have been S, but sometimes when things have been difficult, I've heard that it can take a little longer to get to the point of rebuilding the friendship.
H may be throwing himself into his work at the moment to try and stop himself thinking about things. But that can't last forever. Eventually he will start looking inwards, and looking at you, and see the wonderful independent anti-clinging Essie that you are and he'll get curious!
That coming from someone who is impatient after 4 days NC. Sorry if I sound ridiculous! (And of course, feel free to quote me back at me if I moan about NC ever again!)
