LS My advice? (not that you asked for it) Find out what she likes. Start outside of sex and then several weeks later try a bath together or a massage. Stop there. LS, I and other men have tried that. The stop there is all that happens 90%/99% of the time. The LDW doesn't pick up the rope and do something she is/could be in charge of.
Several couples here did some exercises from a book Peace Between the Sheets such as laying in bed together nude and making out instead of having sex, to show the W that the H wanted to be with his W, even when it didn't end in having sex.
I can rub my W's feet, but what that does is put her to sleep. I get a "thanks" the next day but nothing physical like touching, kisses, or sex.
I have empathy for you and almost all LD women but I see the LDW thing as a bottomless pit most of the time. There seems to be so much in the way of what a LDW needs, I don't think a regular working man like me can fill up the W's needs to even see the bottom of her need's pit.
I can do some things to help her feel better, more connected, but I think she has so much influence and I have so little influence, sometimes I think 3 men meeting her needs/wishes/wants might do the job.
Right now I am in withdraw mode to keep from getting sucked back into being a warehouse to supply my W's many wants and wishes.
I still do the needs things while I look for some way to either be happier in my own corner of life, or find some crumbs we can get our R moving in a better direction.
I started my post in reply to your ...there are nights I yearn to be touched...to be held. I don't always tell my H because I'm afraid of starting something I can't finish. because I think the same thing happens in my house.
Many times I touch my LDW and I know she likes it, except for when something on her list isn't right, which can be often at times. At other times she doesn't have a list of reasons why she doesn't want to be touched, but i have a difficult time knowing when the list is there or not there.
I have gotten to go by "If in doubt, don't, or don't do it for very long."
If she wants to keep the M and you, she'll respond to the attention. Some W's do. Some don't respond till the H is out the door and tells his W he is seeking a D.
countless Ds have tried the nice route only to fail. It wasn't till the D idea was seriously invoked, that the W or sometimes the H started to pay attention. Just read the "Walk Away Wives" forum.
Most people on this forum are trying to make their M better w/o going to drastic measures.
I wish I was wired so I could just do something for him, but I'm not. I need to feel that bond. If you wait till you feel it might be another 5/10 years.
Sometimes doing out of kindness and with a good will is what needs to be happening, not only on your part, but also on your H's part. Sometimes you have to ask your H to give something that is valuable to you. It might not seem valuable or important to your H, but you need to let him know what that something is, and ask for it.
I'm afraid of starting something I can't finish. I wish I was wired so I could just do something for him, but I'm not. I need to feel that bond. Yes, I want to know what you are thinking. Explain this in more detail.
