Having a hard time

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Been up since 2 am. Just sat in bed and wept on and off. Had a really hard past few days. Not only am I dealing with WAH, 4 months so far, but now I have a new boss at work. Normally I would just retire home to destress but with all that is going on that is not happening. I have had enough of this nonsense that is life! Having trouble seeing anything positive at this point.

Home life has been far from happy. Having trouble disciplining S11 and D8. They do not listen to me and I don't want to resort to physical punishment. Was so upset over the weekend I broke down and called H crying, I was having a sit down talk w/them-for the millionth time. Normally I would have H to back me up in the home, but now he is not there.

I thought things would get easier? A co-worker suggested I get on medication but I have been off for almost a year and don't want to get into that again. H always used it as a crutch and I hated it! In his eyes that was the only reason I was tolerable at times. BS!

And I am getting increasingly frustrated by all the things that I cannot do around the house, some of which H used to do. I have asked him to help me with many, but he has always been a procrastinator and not having to do them now puts them WAY down on his list. I have nowhere else to turn. Can't afford a handyman, don't really have anyone else to help me. Told S11 he would have to learn to go up in the attic - still tripping over my xmas decorations that haven't been put away all over my bedroom.

Over the weekend H told me he went to a concert that I would've loved to see. That made me hold back tears. And to think I had asked him to go to a similar one no more than a year ago and he called it nonsense. Now he went with friends. So painful. Wouldn't even go to the movies with the kids and I. A co-worker came over to come with us. My new family I thought! Sorry to whine, just hoping to get over this hump sometime in my life, but it seems something else always comes along. I almost called H at 2 am but held back. Would've been nonsense to him anyway.