All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[Evie]

Thanks SPOM and Jen,

Jen I understand what your saying, again you are spot on!!!It has occured to me that I parent H, not a nice thought at all. But I don't know in what circumstances I parent him or how to break the cycle? Any ideas?

I know if we have ever had a disagreement or more recently R talks (post bomb)he will always state his point, then i'll say my point, then his reply always makes me feel like i'm unreasonable and stupid, yet at the time I felt my point was valid. I know there's no right or wrong, but it was always as if he wanted to be right and to have the last word. Have I become weak and allowed him to manipulate me? My last husband was a verbal bully and clever with words. When I left him my self esteem was shot to pieces, now i'm concerned that unconciously i'm allowing it to happen again?

My SIL phoned me today, she told me of a friend of hers who has just split up from her boyfriend of 2 years. The friend was ready for commitment and babies and the boyfriend had been stringing her a long. At christmas he told her he loved her, but he didn't want babies etc. My SIl said he sounded just like my H (commitment and responisibilty phobic), she asked if the situation between us is still the same and had I tried talking to H about our R and future. She's a straight talker and says what she feels. I said I needed support and time and that I live in hope, I said i'm not ready to move on so why rush him to talk when he doesn't know himself what he wants? I was pleased I managed to stay calm and ask for support, but it still unsettled me to think that she and my BIL think there is no hope for us getting back together.

At this moment in time, I feel we get on as friends better than we have got on over the last couple of years, I know it's only in short bursts that we see each other and the conversations are more condensed, but I have this nagging doubt that this is his lot, he's happy with the sitch and that he's not or will ever will miss me again as a wife?

x Eve