"I'm afraid of starting something I can't finish." is representative of what drives me (and many other HDs) nuts. Can't and Won't are not the same thing. While every R has different issues that may drive the HD/LD issue, one common denominator is that one spouse won't allow sex. It is not just a matter of not equally embracing it or equally initiating it, it is, at its core, one spouse is "blocking the goal" and the other has a series of really sucky alternatives at that point. You might WANT your husband to treat you in a certain way or jump through various hoops to get some, but at the end of the day, since you are the LD spouse, at the end of the day you have 100%, or close to it, control over whether you have sex or not. That level of control and powerlessness drives many HD spouses to frustration, which manifests itself in a lot of ways, most of them not pretty. And the viscious cyle begins...
Sorry to be hard on you, but I want you to understand the HD side and I'm not sure you really do.
PF
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
