Help me find the passion

[Dom R]

Dom R - I have tried telling him things that I need. However, asking if you like nice is not the same as being told you look nice.

sorry, LS.. i didnt understand what you wrote there.

You would hope after a while, an intelligent person would get it.

erm.. dunno about you/me... I think that "WOMEN hope that their husbands would 'get it'". but "wish in one hand, " etc.


LS: Men, as a general species, "Just Dont Get It".

I think that your expectations that he "should get it" , are getting in the way of actual progess for him.

As a man, he needs very specific, sometimes even step-by-step instructions, or he wont "get it".
Your expectations that "he's intelligent, he should be able to figure it out", are probably stopping you from giving him the low level specific info that he needs from you.

He skimmed it. He understood it, but it didn't change anything.

What makes you think he really understood it?
Even if he SAYS "i understand it", doesnt mean that he really does. Some men will say "I understand", when they've just been handed a book written in ancient greek.

He has told me our bad sex life makes him feel unloved, rejected, unattractive. He has no problem voicing those feelings. But it seems to be the only thing he can talk about.

If you have a 4 inch nail sticking in your foot.. and someone tries to engage you in conversation... odds are, your mind is still going to be on that nail sticking into your foot

This is why many sex counsellors recommend that wives "just do it", when it's the wife that is LD. (So long as it is in a loving way from both parties). Make it as enjoyable for you as possible.. which requires that you actually ask your husband to do what is enjoyable for you... and then make the best of it.

Your husband is literally chemically imbalanced. He cant think straight about your relationship, if he isnt getting regular sex with you. Women sometimes joke about "testosterone poisoning", but it's actually true to some degree.

When your husband is regularly getting sex from you, he will be able to think and reason more clearly about your marriage, without that nail in his foot.

He will also feel more loving and emotionally connected with you, and be much more willing to build that connection that YOU are seeking with him.




As far as YOU getting testosterone treatment.. that's certainly an option.
Here's something to think about though:
Are you not going to give you husband what he needs, unless you "feel like it" ?
Or are you going to make the mental choice, to give him what he needs, whether you "feel like it" or not?