Confusion of a WAW (Thread 6)

I get the sense your wife is in a similar place. I think she's upset that you don't seem still crushed by this, as though that speaks about how much she meant to you (which would help the old self-esteem), but if you flat at told her that you'd be with her in a heartbeat, she'd backpedal pretty fast and remind you that it's over. It's all part of not reading too much into what they have to say, and not believing everything they say at face value.

Yeah, I did get the whole "you never cared about me" remark last night - I still have no idea why she came to me with a problem. It's as if she doesn't want to be with me, but deep down she knows I'm pretty much the only person on the planet who will even listen to her about her problems, much less actually help her with them. She is still terrified to let her guard down with me, which I guess is understandable, but it is really doing nothing to help her.

That being said, I think you should probably say, "I'm sorry I didn't help you through this. If you want to work through it I'm here." But I really think she probably wants more than words and advice from you. She probably would prefer cash. Nothing like giving you a mini-bomb to help grease the wheels. You'll have to decide for yourself how you feel about that, but she should understand that divorced people don't bail each other out financially. Would she give you the money for a big credit card bill if you were the one that was fiscally irresponsible? Why does she need an attorney? Doesn't she actually owe that money to the credit people? Maybe she should look into those companies that help with credit problems to work out cheaper payments and lower interest rates rather than trying to fight a debt she owes.

Would she give me the money for something if I had a problem - Maybe, maybe not. If she did, she'd be sure to remind me how I was using her and all of that... She has been pretty good at offering her help, although she doesn't really have much of substance to put on the table. She has never really been strong at offering practical help to people, so I'm not sure if that is really in her nature.

She's got herself a pretty cosy hole right now - Yes, she owes the money, but since they're suing her for it after it was charged off, she's pretty restricted as to what she can do.

I think we might go out to dinner tonight so I can try to talk to her about what is going on - She obviously needs a lot of help with things and maybe she just needs me to step up for a while and help her figure it out.