I think the aversion my wife has to counseling is that she is ashamed about her problems. She tends to think of these things as basic flaws, and that she is damaged. She would rather cover up or hide her - or our - problems than face them. She has also told me on many occasions that people can't change. From that standpoint, counseling is a waste of time if your goal is to change.
I'm sure you realize that she is a classic avoider. And to channel Cobra, the root of that is a shame-based upbringing. I believe that the root of her fear is that counseling will confirm what she always has believed to be true -- that she is flawed, damaged, unloveable. She is terribly afraid of emotional intimacy because if she reveals herself to you, she fears that you will confirm to her what she has always believed to be true about herself. It's a tough nut to crack.
I would guess that when you went to counseling before she talked only about those topics that didn't feel threatening to her. Actually I'm curious to know what kinds of things she did talk about.
The fact that she suggests counseling at all makes me wonder if some part of her wants to get to the bottom of it. I think the other spouses on here who are avoidant types tend to want nothing to do with counseling.
I know that it's not your job to psychoanalyze her. But I've found through my experience that it helps me if I have some understanding of the root of the behavior. Then again, unlike the you and the rest, I'm not sex-starved.
