As far as I know, H's trip to OW's town was uneventful. He called lots, told me what he was doing, got his work done and came home. Brought gifts for me and the kiddos. All nice, but also all things he was doing during the A. The main difference is that when he is home, he does try to connect, and that is a pretty big difference, the one I hang on to with everything I have.
I think I've been doing a good job of letting things rest where they are for now, but I still fight concern over the apparent lack of consequences in H's life post-A (i.e. lack of a broken heart and contrite spirit--I realize this is *my* perception, I don't know where he is on this, but his actions indicate ambivalence), and every once in awhile something happens that shows both H and I how very little I trust him, regardless of how much I want and try to.
We ended up in a discussion the other night in which I tried to explain why certain behaviors make me anxious...I thought I was standing up for my boundaries, but he accused me of dragging the A into every little thing he screws up. I think we both have valid points of view...he apologized for his mis-step of that day, but accused me of not loving and accepting him for who he is--as he is. Which I don't agree with, I feel that I am very loving and accepting of him, but I do know he still has a long road to walk in dealing with his issues. I don't want to change him. But I do want *him* to change. Sigh.
I'm just praying to know what my role is in all this. I want to be supportive of him, but I have no desire to be an enabler.
