SM, I get that you want her to make the call, but isn't the important thing right now just to get you two to counseling? You're choosing the C she wants-- maybe that's enough for now?
I do definitely see your point, but you are making this into a test for her. Is that what you really want to do from the outset? Don't you want to change the adversarial stance?
Actually, I don't think going to a counselor is the most important thing. What I'm doing looks like a test - I suppose it is. My wife has told me before that she wants to make things work. But in terms of action, I've met with a lot of stone walling. So, I guess when she says that she wants to make things work, I don't believe her. Not until I see some concrete action.
I've seen small things. Mostly that she has been more responsive to me, to my approaches at affection. Contacting a counselor is a whole different thing. W is a very anxious person. She is likely to complain about how something is "outside her comfort zone," and so rather than having learned how to hold onto herself and act in the face of her fears, she just pulls away. Her comfort zone has become the size of a postage stamp.
She tells me she will contact the counselor, and I'm going to give her a chance to do it. I used to rescue her every time she got stuck, but I think she will be able to unstick herself.
Quote:
Counseling can certainly be valuable in some situations, maybe in many situations, but it's by no means a magic bullet. It's funny to me how people put it off and put it off (not referring to you BTW) as though it were the most drastic, dangerous thing they could do...
A counselor is a professional who may have some tools to help you solve your problem. Nothing more, nothing less. A good counselor is an artist...
A counselor is not going to humiliate you or scold you or shame you...
I don't know why the extreme aversion... counseling is usually the first thing I think of, not the last.
End of soapbox. :rolleyes:
I think the aversion my wife has to counseling is that she is ashamed about her problems. She tends to think of these things as basic flaws, and that she is damaged. She would rather cover up or hide her - or our - problems than face them. She has also told me on many occasions that people can't change. From that standpoint, counseling is a waste of time if your goal is to change.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
