WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[COG]

Jab,

Keep working on YOU! You still have a long ways to go.

I guess I'm also a little leery doing something very expensive because of our instability at the moment.

There are many "adventures" that can be quite affordable. Just get creative. Half the fun is in the planning and it's not illegal to start doing research and talking with your W about the options.

I would book it today if I knew what to do with the kids & how to schedule it in with W's work schedule. If it works out, maybe March.

There will never be a perfect time, and there will always be details to work out.

We agree on some things but other topics we are the opposite.

Just like most M's. We'll never agree on everything, no matter how small or how big the issue. The blessing is when you can allow your partner to have a different opinion or feeling and it doesn't change YOUR attitude.

I do feel like I keep getting stepped on a bit. Nothing big, except I still feel she is taking very little blame for the marital issues (it's all me) & that I never did anything 'right'.

Listen to the woman, she knows you best. Your family loves your from childhood, your W loves you from the truth. Frankly, the mistakes you made were huge, really screwed things up my friend. I definately don't think you need to dwell on them, but you really need to fully accept the consequences of you past actions. You're feeling them now. Be thankful that your W has the courage to be honest with you. It just may save your M.

I didn't tell her this but part of my issue is it that everyone I know except for her doesn't think I need to quit for good,

That's an incorrect statement brother. You know me, and I think your W is completely right. You are an alchoholic. You will not be able to drink socially, or occasionally. You've had your chance and you've proven that you do not have that ability. It doesn't mean you're weak, alchohol is very addictive. Try to see alchoholism as a disease for which there is no cure. This is crucial if you want to save your M. And don't ever say you'll quit if she wants you to. Don't put that responsibility on HER. Grow the balls to stand up for what is right. Let go the childish ways. Make the decision, stand tall, and be a man.

There also seem to be alot of me making changes but her not seeing much of them lately.

You should make changes for your own spiritual and emotional growth and health. That should be enough for you. If not, then you haven't done enough. Don't expect any kudos from your W, your momma, or anyone else. But know in your heart just who you have become.

Hang in there. I'm not sure where you stand spiritually, but just know that the closer to God you get, the more evil will try to distract you. The little demons will be stepping up their game. Those little voices that say, "hey, you don't deserve that", or "hey, you should expect more from her", or "you don't need to give up alchohol completely, you can handle a little drink once in awhile". This struggle you are in has more to do with eternity than it does with your M. It's a spiritual battle my friend and you are in the thick of it.

May the Lord bless you with courage, strength and the kind of faith that moves mountains.

Love,

COG