I understand what you mean about your W and the mattresses. My H put down a deposit on an apartment, ordered $2500 worth of furniture from a local superstore, told his parents and a couple close friends (and his ex-OW) that he was moving out last Monday (1/21). In the few days before moving day, he said several times that he didn't want to move out. But when I would try to encourage that discussion, he would point out all that he had done and bought. Like he "owed" it to the apartment company and the furniture store to move out? (FYI in the end he didn't move out) I think our spouses feel a lot of guilt and are torn about what to do. They feel guilty for leaving us. If they have have an OW/OM, they feel guilty for leaving them. If they have finally made a decision to leave, they feel like they HAVE to b/c they have been so confused for so long, that making a decision seems like the right thing to do. WE understand how easy it is to just come home, but they don't. Even with the ex-OW, H still talks to her about once a week. It infuriated me at first, but I am trying not to feel threatened. I read his text messages to her a few months ago. He was telling her how after Christmas he would leave me, they would be together, etc.... Now that he wants to work things out with me there is just this huge sense of guilt b/c of promises made that are now broken. On the one hand, I don't feel bad for OW b/c she knew my H was married. But I am trying to understand how my H must feel. It is hard to just up and walk away from someone.
So I guess what I am saying is as hard as things are, if you can keep having those conversations and passionate kisses, do it. You never know how close your W is to coming home. If you leave her alone, detach, in her case that could be the wrong thing. She may think it means you don't want her and she might hold tighter to OM. Just continue to be honest, showing her what life will be like without you (financial and personal responsibility), and also reminding her what life is like with you (passionate kisses). I know it is such a fine line to walk, but you are doing it already. Good luck!
