choices

[cat03]

your sitch is similar to mine, well, i'm the W in this case, and my H was not happy for a while, he left, I was devastated and only then did I see the error of my ways, saw myself for the first time (was a nag, didnt' take care of myself, put my kids ahead of H, too tired to ML). I truly repented and felt ashamed about how I treated my H. My H wouldnt' believe my changes (after all, who would? a few months compared to a few years of that kind of treatment?) to him it was too little too late.
As long as she admits she had a hand in the demise of the M there is a chance. You've been hurt and prob held your misery (much, much like my H) until you could no longer bear it and left.

My H also had an ow, who was all I wasnt', listening, gave him undivided attention (she was single with no worries on the world and I always busy with my 2 little ones), the novelty, the newness of it mesmerized my H and he was taken by her.
I also dont' want to deny your feelings, but in all honesty, the woman you are seeing now is a crutch, you are hurt and you want it to be alright and this ow makes you feel so good. Ask yourself, didnt' it feel this good when you are your W were first going out? it is romantic love, the first stage, when you feel something powerful and just want to be w/this person. This SHALL pass, and down the line you will find yourself in the same spot as now as you have not solved what went wrong in your M (lack of communication).
You can't get onto a new R with the same baggage. Please, please give your W another chance, give yourself another chance, you have a history together, you have 2 children who deserve a 2nd chance. I'm not saying move back because sometimes distance does help. I'm sure she'd agree to M counceling (though as long as you keep ow on the side you won't be giving your M a fair chance.)

Does the ow know you r married?, if yes, what kind of woman would go out with a married man? if not, arent you deceiving her? My H can't get over the guilt of the R with the ow, that R messed with his head so much.

...and what do these feelings for the other woman mean?

Feelings betray us, just because we feel something doesn't mean it is right, feelings are irrational and must be put under scrutiny. You will find the answer to this question in the book "After the Affair", please get it, you will see why the ow feels so right and your W so wrong.

Imagen yourself years from now, looking at your grown children's faces and telling them that you didnt' really gave them and the family a fair chance during the S, that you didnt' fight for your M because at the time you were having strong feelings towards a woman.