I get the feeling that her parents wont give her the money which they have given in the past and now she is saying bad things about them. Now it sounds like she expects you to bail her out. If you do and then she needs to be bailed out again and you refuse, then she will just say the same thing about you as her parents. You just have to let her get herself out of this. OM surely cant help her. She needs to take responsibility for her own mess. Maybe she fails. Maybe utter failure is what she needs to come to a real awakening.
If utter failure is what is needed, I think she's almost there - Last night was a horrible reminder of the week before she moved out when she had all kinds of problems.
I went up to bed last night after I made my last post, and we ended up talking for a little while - I don't think I've seen my W cry in four months like she did last night. Basically it came down to "I always take care of people, and no one ever takes care of me". I really just listened a lot, but when we went to sleep an ILY fell out and she got mad - On the plus side, she did say that she'd rather I show her with actions that I love her, rather than tell her, so I took that as her at least being open to me working with her a little on some things.
I don't think right now she is in any state to deal with much - Her coping skills are non-existent and I think given the opportunity, she'd just stick her head in the sand and let the world fall on her.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
I feel for your situation as you sound like you are trying so hard. You are deligent in analyzing your progress, but it seems like you are not getting very far with her. Will she ever come out of her depressed state - no one knows that and only she can do it.
This morning she was pretty frustrated, so I just left her alone - After I got ready and W had got D dressed, I just told her "I'll set you up an appt with a therapist today - Is there any day that doesn't work?". She said there wasn't, and I gave her a hug - Got a nice hug from her too. When I was leaving I got hug, kiss as usual, and I told her ILY. Surprisingly she told me ILY too, and she thanked me for helping her.
Maybe it's totally the wrong thing to do right now, but she seems to be responding positively to me doing things for her like this (even though she tells me she can't trust me and doesn't want me around). It doesn't cost me anything to make some calls for her and set up an appt, but I know she isn't going to do it on her own.
The one thing I've realized through my sitch is that while my W strives to be a very independent person, she really doesn't have the ability to do it - She'll refuse help from people until they just do stuff for her, and she'll push everyone away who makes her feel 'controlled'. You'd think pretty much forcing someone to go to therapy would be considered controlling, but it wasn't - It was helping, at least today.
If W isn't at rock bottom right now, she's pretty damn close. I guess I should take it as a positive sign that she came to me when things got so bad she couldn't handle it herself.
