Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I had a bit of a cry and pulled myself together.
I think I can wait a bit longer for H. Well I'm going to chose to do it until the end of this month, and then I will reassess.
What I felt on my birthday is that if H and I are to get back together then I will have to have zero expectations. He often used to say that my expectations were too high. I can see what he was getting at, because on some level I wanted him to make me happy, and of course he couldn't live up to that expectation.
I guess the fantasy is that I could meet someone great who would think that I was wonderful and that this Dark Handsome Stranger would exceed my expectations. For example I would get spoiled on my birthday and showered with attention and gifts (ha ha.
I'm having a bit of a break through even as I type this.....
I can see that I do need to work on being happy in myself - then I wouldnt be disappointed with H. And if I dont work this issue out I will drag it into the next relationship.
Hmmm food for thought.
As far as I know H is doing crap without me (yay). From all reports he is grumpy and miserable. He works almost 7 days a week (very unlike him, as socializing and having fun was his #1 priority when we were married). Unfortunately he didnt just walk away. We stuck together for a year of pure hell trying to work out our problems, after he told me that he had cheated on me..... I thought we were doing all the 'right' things like seeing counselors and talking about issues blah blah blah. H always said the 'right' things to me (e.g. the morning he left he told me that he loved me and was committed to me - but in a dead sort of tone and clearly not very happy about the prospect!) It was SO confusing, because he wasnt happy but wouldnt say what was wrong. And I pulled all the wrong anti-DB moves for an entire year, and was clingy and an emotional wreck. Separation is paradise after that year, let me tell you!
