She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

Thanks Choc. That patience thing... man, it can wear on ya if you let it.

SO today I have been myself, just plain old Michael. Not a bad thing I have to admit. I completely threw away DB'ing for the day (no deliberate 180, GAL activities, etc.) All in all it went well but now that the day is over, I'm looking back and grading myself from a DB perspective. I had the day off and ended up having a pretty full day.

• Went to the doctor for eyelid 'issues' (xanthelasma - harmless but not very attractive). Paid very close attention to the doctor's comments and had a number of stories to tell my wife about the new doc. 'A+' on a 180 here - I can tell a hell of a story but have had trouble making a doctor's visit sound interesting...she loved the stories.
• Our dog went missing on Saturday evening. I called a few places on Sunday (all closed). Tried again this morning after dr. visit (wife was napping). I found him and bailed him out - $50. Got home and W woke up very happy to see him. I, too, was very upbeat. I would give this a 'B' on doing a 180. I am NOT an animal lover, more of a liker - my mother was a cat breeder so we had about 22 cats when I was a kid, now we only have 6... I admit that he (the dog) is not my favorite pet (hope that doesnt' come across wrong...) but I know how important he is to the family as a whole. Honestly, I was concerned for him and, of course, for my kids who have been missing him. Regardless of our current sitch, I would have (and have in the past) bailed him out anyway but my feelings this time around were genuine and I didn't complain about spending 50 bucks to bail out "Wife's Dog".
• Wife was working on homework and I decided to go take a nap myself. About 15 minutes into it I realized that I had some projects around the house to do. So I got up and got to work on the latest issue (I broke the ceiling fan after painting the bedroom ceiling a few weeks ago). Anyway, the fact that I did this without any prompting gets me an 'A'. Of course I should have fixed it sooner...
• Was ready to go to the gym and my wife proclaimed (in her fake authoritative voice) "You're not going to the gym, you're going to stay here and watch a movie with me and have some stuffed clams." So I skipped the gym. I made myself available to HER when SHE wanted me to be available. I have a hard time grading this one. I wanted to go to the gym but she gave me what I believe to be a better offer. The doubt comes in when I think about how she would have reacted if I had tried the same thing...
• Heh, heh. Okay, this next one I failed. It goes under the category of 'more of the same' or possibly 'R talk'. When she said "stuffed clams" I couldn't resist the obvious sexual comment/offer... However, she laughed so maybe it wasn't a complete failure.
• Wife went back to homework after the movie and I finally took my nap (on the couch). About 15 minutes into THIS one she woke me with questions about a table she needs to create for BIO. I have ALWAYS helped her with her homework and studying so this was a no-brainer decision for me. In hindsight, however, I again made myself available to her when she needed something. I don't regret helping (it took over an hour) but part of me is asking why the hell I would continue to help her when she insists that we simply can't be married... No grade on this one as I'm still undecided.
• D13 and W were playing Guitar Hero after dinner and D13 asked W "Why aren't you playing EverQuest tonight?" (her online game - the one that started all of this). I looked up from the table and said "Why in the world would you ever question mommy NOT playing the game?" Failed. First of all, there's no reason for me to ever make my D feel like she has done something wrong. She is aware of our situation (and THAT game and the OM). This was a mistake and I let her know soon after that I was sorry if I had made it sound like she had done anything wrong. Secondly this is more of the same behavior from me as far as that game goes...
• W fell asleep on the couch tonight. I walked past her a number of times (she had her BIO book in her lap so I couldn't tell if she WAS asleep). I took the book away, along with the pug (the non-runaway dog) and carried W into bed. She loves being carried to bed. 'A+' for not banging her head on the wall or the door... However, I'm just not sure about the act itself. Here I am "pretending" we're married. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.

Rereading this post I think I'm suffering from "not knowing what the hell is going on in my marriage". She told me a week ago on Friday that divorce is a must and she moved out of the bedroom because we were "blurring the lines". This Friday she calls me "dear" and "love" and "papa bear", she gave me a kiss goodnight and moved back INTO the bedroom.

I have friends that tell me to keep doing what I'm doing. That she's beginning to see reality and she WILL remember the love and will again FEEL the love. Monitor results, monitor results, monitor results. I keep telling myself this. There are no clear cut techniques or answers.

Overall I'd say I passed (but comment to D13 takes away any extra credit). The gym and the interuption to my 2nd nap attempt COULD have prompted me to put my foot down but that would have been simply for the sake of show. The question I have to myself is whether or not I really want her to see what she'll be missing. Part of me feels she MUST appreciate the help, attention and companionship. Another part says she takes it for granted. I have more thoughts on this but hell, this is long enough. Maybe tomorrow...