Hi Brit. I don't think you should bail wife out w/ the retainer. However, I don't know how you should tell her that. What about her family? Can't they help her?
Well, we just had a pretty stressful R talk - W was upset that when she came to me today with a problem I didn't step up and help her (to use her words). She said that I never solved problems when we were together, and that I'm still not. Guess I'm damned if I do; damned if I don't.
She told me that the last two weeks have been really stressful and she felt that I've not respected her. Said she feels like she's back to square one with being here. I told her that I felt stressed being here and I was looking forward to moving into my own place.
She actually seemed very upset that we're so unhappy together. She admitted that pretty much nothing makes her happy anymore and she misses the person that she was, but she feels like that person is dead now.
W ended up going upstairs to relax for a while - I'm just going to give her some space and let her wind down before going to bed. I offered to help her work on solving her money problems (I didn't say I'd give her money - I said that I could help her figure out the best way to handle it all).
So, I'm totally confused now - Not sure how I should handle it all. Obviously I screwed up by not taking the 'bull by the horns' today with the whole thing.
Maybe it's totally the wrong thing to do, but I think I need to let W open up to me and let her talk about what is bothering her. I think there is a LOAD of stuff that she has bottled up that she hasn't talked to anyone about - She started off our conversation tonight complaining about her parents and how difficult they are to deal with.
As retarded as it sounds, she actually seemed disappointed that things were not better with us - She said that she hoped the separation would help us get over some things... Maybe we just need more separation, maybe we need more time apart. I think that if I get a really good home together in my new place and show W that I can be successful on my own that it will go a long way. She keeps telling me how great my life is, and how crappy her's is... Almost like she thinks that I'm coming out of this smelling of roses.
Part of me wants to take the money stuff off her hands, at least in terms of figuring out what to do - She thinks I don't care, and that I never did. I've no idea if that would cause more problems, or piss her off. I really have no clue what to do right now...
