Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

Well, H came over tonight to have our discussion.
Overall it went well...I guess.

He brought D home from school and until she was in bed we had a pleasant night. He was even making some small talk with me.

I think D loved having us both here and you could really see the difference in her behaviour.

Once D was in bed we talked. We agreed on a schedule with the kids. It was a compromise. D will spend one night during the week overnight with him and he'll have her every other weekend. Plus he will have one evening a week with her and S. And on his weekends, he will take S for a couple hours on the Fri night and a couple hours on the Sat. This last part I'm having a hard time with, but we'll see how it goes. It is really important to me that my D have her brother with her through all of this. She really needs to start to associate herself with him more.

After we had come to an agreement there, we discussed finances. H is definitely going above and beyond what he legally has to here (I've got his medal on mail order...) I think it is really fair and I am going to run it by my lawyer before I give it a final ok.

Lastly, he brought up the house again. He said he thinks that I should stay here with the kids and that I should buy him out. He wants me to go the bank and look at these options.
I am really confused about this and what to do. I need to get advice on this.
I don't want to say no just because I can, especially if it may actually be in my best interest.
The problem I have with this is...WOW, it's really over.

H was quite nice through the whole thing. The conversation was very civil and he was not acting magnamous or arrogant for a change. But he is really in a hurry to move on with his life.
And he feels I should be wanting to do this too.

So WTF do I do? The GAL and DB'ing...none of it really changes based on the circumstances. I still have to do those things regardless.

But really, it is all in vain? Tonight, I saw glimpses of my old H. But not the one who loves me. Not the one who wants to me married to me. So is this REALLY it?? Or is it possible that he is really having this life crisis that I think he is having and that he could come around in a few months?

Should I be standing for my marriage? Or should I be really trying to get over it and move on with my life? I am so confused.
I love him. So much. I want our family to be together. I want my children to have another chance at the family life they deserve. I want these things more than anything...but is it possible?
I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that the only thing holding me back from selling the house or buying him out is the fact that I still hold out hope in my heart. But he is telling me in no uncertain terms that it is over for good.

Am I trying to convince myself of something that isn't possible? Am I holding onto something that I need to let go of totally?
Are there any people out there who have been successful in restoring their marriage who have found themselves in my position? If so, I would love to hear some words of encouragement here, because I am really not sure what to do.
OR, does this really not change anything at all? I GAL and start making decisions for me and my kids only. I separate all of the financial and move on...and then just see what happens.

I feel like everyone I know (everyone except the people here)...are hitting me over the head telling me that I need to accept that it is over.
Why can't I do this? Why do I still believe there is a chance?

I know I'm rambling now. Any advice would be very welcome at the moment.
J~