I watched "Message in a bottle" this morning while working. Not a big Kevin Costner fan (feel about him the same way I do about Julia Roberts) but it was a touching love story. He threw messages into the sea to his dead wife, telling her the things he wished he'd said and wished he's done while she was alive. He knew she would not ever see them but he did it anyway.
Wantlove, maybe there is something like that you could do--write to him once a month--telling him about your life, about how you love him. And then "put the messages in a bottle and cast them into the sea" or whatever comes closest to that for you.
I guess the message I keep coming back to is, there is nothing you can do for him, but there are many things you can do for you and also to honor the love you have for him. I remember saying at least once a day in the beginning "this is a process" and for you, this is also a "process." YOu will have to figure it out as you go. I personally did a lot of things to self heal as I am sure you must be doing--eventually it kicks in and it's not just a distraction, it becomes your life.
I don't think it's fair for people to be harsh with you. I think you are in a ton of pain and you deeply love your husband and miss him with all of your heart and I admire the tenacity of that love. That devotion could be the very thing that brings him home some day.
Most people here divulge a lot about themselves and it makes it easier to try to advise them because people get a feel for who they are. You play your cards close to your chest and maybe that's what frustrates people. Dunno.
Again, I wish you healing and hope that when you are finally happy again you will come back and tell us about it.
wantlove, i am here if you need to vent. sometimes the frustration and anger of them abandoning us is so overwhelming with no one else understanding, you just cannot "escape". it is so obvious you are hurting. let it out with people who do understand. we do care because you are us.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
