Oh my gosh!! Your reply to my post totally made me smile. Yay for good tears! I can't believe you bookmarked it, I feel so special!! You have really lifted me up, so if I can lift you in any way, that is an honor & a privilege!
Yes, I read it all in a single night! When I read it in such a short time, it was easier to see the positive trends. I think when we're in the middle of it, each bump feels like a mountain, but when I had the backwards-looking luxury of perspective, I could see bumps for what they were... just bumps! They kind of makes your butt sore, but we survive, right? And we get further down the road towards our goal!
From my P.O.V, your situation looks so good-- you are totally on the right track. Taking things slowly, doing all the right things, and really growing inside, experiencing the inner transformation that is the most powerful of all. And your motivations are so pure, it comes out so clearly in your voice and your story. That is very beautiful! And best of all, your wife is moving towards you. She is opening up to spending time with you and sharing experiences with you and even opening up her heart to you about her feelings. Wow!! Even though the back and forth hurts... you hve come so far. Plus, your wife is very lucky to have you in her life, even if she doesn't act like it all the time. And we are lucky to share your journey on the board!
I am sorry to hear that you are having a not-so-good day. But I actually laughed about the part about staying home and sitting on the couch and stuffing your face with junk food! I think if we can see those urges, we can laugh at them, and they gradually change. And I'm so glad that you have your dogs... I loved reading about how you talk to them and how they have supported you. I think animals actually have really deep intuition about this stuff and when we need to be loved and comforted because we are hurting or broken-feeling. Maybe it sounds weird to say, but sometimes it seems they have better intuition than our own fellow humans!
I was wondering, if I didn't ask before-- what are your goals right now for the R? Could you post them so we could cheer you on as you get closer to them? I know it is still frustrating, b/c the Ultimate Goal of Total and Complete Restoration-Recommitment-Renewal-Reconciliation is not yet reached. I wonder because from my POV you've come so far, so I wonder what your goals were at the beginning, and what they are now? You must have revised them?
Well, a virtual hug for you. I am definitely following your story now!
