I too am glad that H took a step back and Sunday was better. It sounds like he wants things to be amicable and is willing to work on that until he starts drinking and the anger comes out. This points to your H's problems with alchohol. Just MHO. I remember a cycle with my father that played out much the same. Distance, then drinking, then anger/verbal abuse, followed by a calm and more understanding man until the stresses of life led him to drink again. My mother enabled him and I grew up to be an enabler also. Do you remember any cycles like this when you were growing up? Just food for thought and so much that says this is not about your failures as a wife - it's about your H's struggles to be a husband and father.
The distance and adjustment to motherhood that you went through is very normal, reasonable and expected of a new mother. I have lots of opinions tonight! I don't think you failed your H after your D3 was born. I think he failed you as a husband and father. If he had stepped forward to be a partner to help, encourage and understand things wouldve been much easier for you both. It bothers me to hear you say where you let your H down because after the birth of a child a mother needs time to adjust and they also need a man who's strong enough to make it through, even if it's mostly on blind faith for awhile. Do you see what a weakness of your H's this is, and not yours? He needs the attention and when he doesn't get it, he looks elsewhere without first considering the vows he made. I'm not saying that it isn't hard for a man to understand... I'm just saying that his expectations are unreasonable, and yeah, he's selfish. He's put his efforts into making himself happy at all costs. He's giving up a very precious thing in you. You've given him the understanding and support through his personal crisis and have lived on hope for the last year. You don't have anthing to apologize for, yet you're loving enough to consider the past and are willing to change the future for your family. You deserve a man who'll do the same for you.
I hope you know how strong and wonderful you are Sue. Your friends here and especially lwb, sally, sara, etc know the road your on and wow.. they are giving some great advice/support. You're gonna be OK
