I am in a better place and have detached to a state where I can deal with the " nuts and bolts" issues that surround our situation without any emotional pain. It has taken some time but I am there now and its OK.
The other night W changed plans on me , It was her night to have D and younger S and then she wanted to change plans last minute. I told her I had made plans , she wanted to know who with , where , when etc. I just said thats not the issue here and left it at that. W was most upset that I did not disclose who I had plans with and sent me angry txt messages to this effect. In the end something quite unrelated happened so that I could not do what I had planned , told W . I also during this txt her the following; " If i was going out with a Woman why are you angry ? you not want me , i am not looking 4 serious relationship right now need time to find self." and then " this is not a competition , I still love you and will do the best I can when you need me but I have my life to get on with". ( thats the first time I have meantioned the love word since I started DB'ing as far as I can remember )
I got no reply until next day when to my surprise I got a full appology , She told me that I did not deserve what she said and that it was childish of her , she said she was so sorry.
That was not a baby step , for her that was a huge step. I accepted her appology .
Since then I have found her a place to move to and will help her move later in the week she seems quite happy with this as am I as I am hopefull this will enable some reasonable boundaries to be set. She is already calling our house " the house" so has moved on from "home" which is healthy , I have called her her appartment " your home " for quite some time.
This new cottage is a lot closer to the kids schools and "the house" so will be much more convenient and give W less excuse for spending time at home.
Over the last few days there has been a lot less of the "Alien" and a little of the giver is starting reappear in W as it relates to me. For example I had a long day yesterday and was exausted when I got home . W stayed and helped me do dinner for the Kids " because I looked beat " . This may seem insignificant but in the past she has made a point of telling me anything she does to help is "for the Kids" . This is a big step where she is doing something to help me . She is certainly much nicer to have about the place and its great to have some kindness returned.
However , my expectations are still the same , I have not changed my stance , this is good stuff but I would need to see a lot more over a period of time before I got excited. I still firmly believe that living apart is best for us right now.
I have carried on through all this as normal.
What does all this mean ? possibly not a lot I don't have any expectations , this is quite probably as good as it gets for us . The fairytale ending still looks as improbable as ever.
