Deauxlie, thanks for posting. I have been busy, moving. You are so right about me chasing him away. I think that's is true. I do know that if I never ask, he will never talks. That's my H. He will never reveal his feelings to anyone.
Updaing. We just moved into our real rental housing. (we were on company housing before). Lots of unpacking. I feel my life is filled with packing, unpacking, organizing, cooking, cleaning. not fun. It is getting to me. Needs a break. Does not help that I have no friends here, being so far away. It makes life very boring that I feel like I am depending on H for outside information, stimulus.
On the A front, I don't know what is going on. H is still being very nice to me. That is, as long as I don't talk about A, pretend that OW does not exist. As long as I don't ask him about email/voicemail/sms/phone, "live as if" we are one happy family, that we are LIKE one happy family. H probably thinks that life is good, too. What he does not know or does not acknowledge is that he is still hurting me everyday by keeping contact with OW, regardless of how little or how impersonal it is. I don't even know what kind of relationship they are having as I don't snoop. And I have not been asking. I think I have told him enough times that he is hurting me if he still keeps contact with her. If he chooses to continue that, well, eventually I will give up. At this time, though, I am trying to be patient and hope OW fades out. I need to get a life here first.
I guess OW is still important enough to him that he cannot let her go. If she is not important or he does not care for her anymore, it would be no problem just to stop contacting her (even if it is just purely doing it for me). For example if I ask him not to read "GQ" magazine, even if it is a very unreasonable request, he would because "GQ" does not mean that much to him. But if I ask him not to read his favorite magazine, because it is very important to him, he won't. I guess that's how I feel. She is still important enough to him that he won't stop contact just for me, because he thinks I am being unreasonable (not acknowledging how much this hurts me), and because he still feels for her. I guess I will give myself sometime. At some point, though, if she still remains important, may be she is more important than our family and that's the time to leave.
