well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[ACJ]

Cat after having just read your last post I can see you falling into the same pit that I did when my H left this time. As I think I have told you before my H really wanted me to make the decision for him to leave. I wouldn't and didn't. So he led me into a false sense of security by suggesting a trial separation. As this had happened to us before and he came home after a month I was happy with this and agreed to it. I told him he had to make up his mind within 3 months and that once that decision had been made there was no going back. Boy do I regret that now. He made his mind up in 6 weeks and told me just before New Year 2006 (the day I registered here) that he definately wasn't coming back and he hasn't. Little did I know then that 3 months would be a miniscule drop in a very large ocean. I also stipulated other things to which he agreed but never upheld. One of which was that he would never introduce our kids to OW(s). Another one was that he had to seek the help of a counsellor. He has never done that.

You see he didn't want me controlling him. Ironic really b/c that is exactly what his much younger OW now does.

I can see why you would want to keep your money together but personally I think that is a big mistake. 1) B/c it means he won't have to learn to budget for himself and so he won't see the destruction he has/is causing with his MLC behaviours (how many phones has he already bought/entered into a contract?) 2) B/c it means that you will never experience the freedom that not having thier financial burdens brings. My H and I NEVER had a joint account. At one point I used to feel guilty about that but boy am I glad now. Interestingly I found out at the weekend that he is using the same model with OW. We were always short of money (or so I thought) now I can't believe how well I am managing and for most of his absence I have only earnt the same as I did when he was here. I never thought my H hid money from me but now I'm not so sure. 3) You managing the money is a control issue. Let it go. Financial matters can soon be put back to how they were. Misappropriated funds (as most MLCers dabble in) are harder to replace. You already gave him money supposedly to pay back OW and it didn't go there.