H has read some of the books. He always focuses on what he needs and is missing (he's rather selfish yet ironically tells me part of the reason he's so frustrated is because he wants me to feel good. I guess it's the male ego thing?). It seems to me he doens't get much from the parts about what he can do to make it better from the books. Having said that, he is more of a listener than a reader, so if I can find ways to tell him (or maybe I should try a book on tape) it might sink in.
Sex life early on was good - never mind blowing - but to be honest I"ve had very few mind blowing sexual events in my life. They were all very early on in the relationships. I think I often did sex for the wrong reason - to try and give the guy what he wanted or in response to raging hormones even though the connection wasn't there.
Connection is definitely very big for me. I've begged my H to talk to me more - share his feelings. I've begged for some romance. Lately, I've pulled back from being affectionate because I'm afraid he will start thinking I'm interesting in it turning into more. I'll try to bring this up in our next talk.
I only orgasm during sex with c-stimulation. And that doesn't always happen - usually I get tired of waiting for it or think he's tired.
The hormonal urge is rarely there now. I feel very self conscious too because now I think he wants some wild woman in his bed in all these bizarre positions - neither of which is me. That's why I was wondering if this is a MLC. He knew I wasn't like that when we got married.
If I can relax, it generally feels better than doing nothing. But honestly? I'd rather eat chocolate (yep - read that book too).
