I don't think it's really breaking your silence to send him a note explaining the insurance situation and the appt. in February. Just matter of factly tell him the progress and how long you need to stay on his dental policy. No need to draw any conclusions or ask any R questions if you don't choose too.
The birthday is just such a personal thing for each of us, Mother Magee. In your situation I'd probably send a card. Of course, I bought my H a card and wrote a lovely note in it. I never sent it though... at the end of it all I didn't think he deserved it at the time. We were in a bad place back then. It wasn't until I lost him that suddenly I found the perfect cards and gifts for him. Go figure. If I were you, I'd definitely send a card then wait and see if he calls.
I'm so sorry. I can just feel in your words how this limbo is wearing you down. I remember being married yet single. I remember crying my eyes out when I drove by houses with lit up windows and families inside them. I remember dancing around my living room last New Years Eve, alone, in a burgandy dress.
Only you know when you've had enough. Everyone here understands and will support you no matter what you decide. If you hang in there you get 2 possible outcomes though. I spent this New Years Eve in my H's arms.
*Unless after the D he realizes he wants you back and you haven't moved on* (Some of them seem to need that too.), if you end the limbo and D, you have one possible outcome.
You have the skills now. You have overcome major issues. You still love him even though he hasn't given you the credit you deserve (time-- sweetie, he doesn't believe it's real yet). I just can't help believing, that if you are able to hang in there and show him those 180's you've done --in a consistent manner --long enough for him to gain trust in your changes, that you have a really good chance.
