Well, I want to believe him, I really do. But it just doesn't add up. The phone calls, the texts, LIVING with her. It was actually three of them in the house. Another guy was with him. From what I understand those two are still living together. I do believe that you can have friends of the opposite sex without it being a romantic relationship. It is the secretive part of it that got to me.
There is a guy that I went to college with that I lived with after college for about a year. It was completely platonic. Nothing romantic at all, but he was one of my best friends. I was actually engaged to H at the time. I try to compare that relationship with this one. I can talk to this friend for hours at a time and we also email back and forth pretty much every day at work. But I don't hide any of this from H. He was hiding things, that is what makes it feel like such a betrayal.
A part of me does think he would have just admitted to it, especially when things were really bad. And they got really bad. I do think you are right about minimizing his feelings about it. Actually when I brought up OW on Saturday I said your friendship with her and he said "THANK YOU for finally calling it a friendship, that is all it was." I do need to try to keep his feelings in mind through all of this.
I know that he is tired of rehashing the same things over and over again. That is why I think we need to get into counseling. When we were in it before she helped both of us put our feelings into words and really helped us talk about things. H even said he liked going at the time. We were going together and alone. The only reason he quit was because the AF wouldn't pay for him to continue going to that counselor. They wanted him to go to someone on base and he was completely against that because he had already had a bad experience with an AF counselor. I will bring up starting again sometime soon...maybe when the job thing gets figured out.
