Hi Everyone - I am new here. I read DB and SSM a while back. I've read a lot of things. We've been to 3 therapists over a 2 year period. I am the LD/female partner. We've been together 5 years - married for most of that - have a 3 year old child.

My H has been guilty of name calling, yelling, divorce threatening (pretty much from the start), disappearing overnight, silent treatment, etc. He says it is all a result of his frustration over our poor sex life.

Why do I stay? Our last therapist said something that made sense to me - we all have different tolerance levels. I had a dad with a short temper, so i think my tolerance is a bit higher. And i admit - I've been moody and irritable.

Apart from all of the bad things i mentioned about him, and those only take up a small percentage of our time together, my H does many wonderful things and is very helpful around the house and with our child. I want our marriage to work, but now I find myself struggling not to be averse to sex.

I've been to a few doctors - md's, do's, naturopaths. I've tried just about everything. The natural testosterone helped some but spiked my weight up so I stopped and now my libido has fizzled again. I think I am just tired, stressed (I have a parent with alzheimer's and a sibling with terminal cancer - both are alone). I have a full-time stressful job.

So, in the last couple of weeks we have had some good talks. I've said that the entire burden of our sex life should not be on me - that is unfair. We are going to try to take turns with initiating.

My questions are - how do I relax? Will it ever feel better? I want my family to stay together. My husband recently suggested I rub him to orgsm during a sexy movie. He's never said anything like that before! Is this a MLC? Maybe he married me during one? He's 50 and I'm 45.

I'm not sure how well I explained. If you have questions please ask. I've been lurking and reading and there are a lot of people on here with good advice. I like reading posts from both men and women. I didn't post in other sections as this is the heart of our trouble. He would like sex 3-4 times a week. I'd be happy with once a month. Help!