How do I begin piecing??

[MichelleLT]

Ironically I am in the reverse position with my H in that he very nicely told me he understood I was lonely while he was deployed and that he'd totally understand if I'd had an A and that he just wanted me to tell him the truth...I was like, WTF? No!

Turns out he suspects an A with an Army buddy that I was in training with. Out of the 5 people I regularly hung out with (usually all 5 of us together too, not like I was out with this guy just the two of us all the time), H latched onto this one guy - I can only imagine because he's divorced while the other people I hung out with were either married or in serious relationships or female. But, it's the Army, it's mostly guys, so of course I have guys that I hang out with. Nothing ever happened, but I think H is telling OW that I had an A and lied about it. I am in the same position as your H where it would almost be easier to tell him I did just so he'd stop bugging me about it every 3-4 months. I was never really interested in the guy, we were always just friends and that was clear from the beginning, so it really annoys me that H brings it up and that I suspect he's using it as one of his justifications for his A.

It is very frustrating to be confronted with something that you see as totally innocent. Whether or not it was completely innocent friendship, his perspective is more what matters right now. By bringing it up and sticking to your position, you only minimize his feelings about the whole thing. I know it sucks, but maybe you can try showing/saying to your H that you understand how he feels about the whole situation. Expressing empathy does not mean you agree with his view of the whole thing, but maybe if you "bend" a little he might admit that he sees your perspective a little too?

As for his comment about you having a point, I struggle with this a lot. I justify and ramble on about my requests and often work up to them. My H hates it. By the time I get to my actual point, he's usually lost/tuned me out. I find if I think out beforehand what I really want to say and then just tell/ask him, it's much easier.