I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

We met at home at 1:00. He got here a little early. Pet the dogs, made small talk, etc. Just a nice visit for 30 -45 minutes. Finally, I asked if he had something he wanted to tell me or if he wanted to pick up on the discussion from last MC session. In summary, he said that he likes his new living situation and it's unfair to keep me waiting while he figures out what he wants - or gets bachelor life out of his system (my interpretation - not his words). I said, so you came to tell me that if I want a D that's ok with you? He seemed taken aback that I put it that way, but said yes. He has a tendency anyway to make it sound like he's doing something generous when it is not. So, I called him on it and we went around a little bit on him saying he was doing this for me when it is the opposite of what I want. Not in an argumentative way (I think not, anyway)- but I wasn't going to let him off the hook.

I also pointed out that I have not been pressing him for a decision, because I think that it is best for him to have the time that he needs now. He seems to be feeling his own pressure, whether the source is financial or the MC or just plain wanting his freedom, I'm not sure. Long story short, I told him that I am hurt and angry about our sitch, but that I can get over that and the bottom line is that I love him and I think there is more good than bad in our M and I can't just be done with it. We talked about the kind of lifestyle that he wants and I focused on letting him know that changes can be made in the M that give us both what we want. I told him in the end that he will make whatever choices he will, but that I am not going to agree that D is the answer because I don't think our dif are irreconcilable.

He was on R talk overload by that time so we ended the convo. I asked what I should expect now and he said that he was going to think some more and that we could talk again in a week. I said that I don't want to talk in a week - but then I said that I wasn't sure what to do, but that I wasn't expecting a deadline for him. It's weird, b/c he needs space, but he seems to also want resolution, and I don't know how to handle it. Limbo is no fun, but I don't want to get to D just because one of us lacks patience. There were no tears, no yelling, no insults so I think that was a plus. At the end of the day, I'm no further ahead or behind than I was yesterday. I guess at this point, I've done all I can do. If he still wants to cut the ties, then at least I've made my stand.