Been meaning to write but have been so caught up in work and my move it is just crazy. 2008 is going to be a good year for me I have a feeling.
Anyway, long story short, met with the XW. She arrived 30 minutes late.....no surprise as she will be late to her own funeral, but I just went with the flow. Breakfast was fine...normal catch up. Gave her the glasses which she seemed to really like. I got about a pound of fudge. Oh well. We said goodbye with her initiating a hug.
I walked away feeling a bit empty and have been trying to figure things out and think I have come to an understanding. I completely feel that this is not the woman that I married anymore. When we first dated, she was attending mass every Sunday....this year, she didn't even go on Christmas and said that "she was going to please her mother". First time that has EVER been said. She is so emotionally distant that it would be impossible to love her. Even if you did the most perfect thing for her, she really wouldn't appreciate it. Finally, she is just so into her, that it pushes me away.
I guess I am figuring out that I am trying to hold on to something that is not there anymore, the woman that I love and married. I am not sure if that person is still there or not, but right now, that would be a NO! And there is nothing that I can do about it.
I have decided that seeing her once a month or so is no longer in my best interest as no good comes from it. Maybe after a few months, a dinner now and then would be fine, but for the short term, I need to stop this rollercoaster. Even if I tried to be friends with her, it would not work at this time. She gives me NOTHING in return. Just dumps on me and leaves. And this see each other every 3-4 weeks for 3 hours is not what a friendship is about.
So, needless to say, I have been in a bit of a mourning period. That, combined with my first move since our separation has been an emotional hit, although getting better with my new home looking more and more like home.
Positive on the outlook and looking forward to an outstanding 2008! Thank goodness 2007 is done!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I think most would support your decision to eliminate the monthly meetings. I can relate to the emotional drain that occurs and it always took me a few days after the weekend visits to get out of the fog. Knowing the the fog was mostly self imposed because of failed expectations and impatience. I hid those things well from the ex for the most part.....but they were rolling around in my head.
Taking a break to refocus will allow you to make a more balanced decision whether to resume the meetings on a more limited basis or not.
We can't make someone a priority who is only considering us as an option.
Thanks for the support Jet. Appreciate it when someone tells me I am doing the right thing.
I have not been on for the past few days and won't be long this evening b/c I FINALLY MOVED! Bought a place in Oct and with fixing it up, holidays, etc, never had the opportunity. With the new year and my new house (no longer renting), it is just a breath of fresh air in my life. Although it is great, it is scary at the same time.
Only interaction to speak of on the XW front is that I called her over a week ago that she needed to call the phone company to change the account. Apparently, she is stil the main person there. I gave her a week and she still had not done it. Called her this evening to provide her the information but had to leave a message for her. Not sure when she will call back. Oh well.
Hope you all are doing well.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Sorry that I have been off and on so much. Finally getting settled into the new house.
Kinda sad weekend.....found a ton of old pictures of me and XW that I packed away 2.5 years ago. Brought back a ton of memories. Then last night, I ran into the Priest who married us! He is an associate paster at my new local church. He felt bad that we were not married any longer but we promised to catch up. When he learns that XW doesn't go to church anymore, will he be surpised!
Anyway, what am I supposed to do with these pics? Trash them? Give them to her? Box them up for a just in case later?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
If your considerate you let her know but personally I'd box them back up for later. It'll always be a part of your life and somewhere down the line you'll be able to look back on them without any problems.
I have wondered the same thing. I have thought about giving them to my daughter.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
I felt horrible when my wife filed for sep/div. We were so miserable together. I enjoyed hearing my girls and playing with my girls. I enjoyed my home. Now I have to make a consistant effort to see them at lunch at school or after words and then every other weekend I get to see them. I miss being married and having a family but I don't miss the misery and her bitterness. She recently asked to push the divorce through and I let the lady I was dating know. Life has bumps in the road the question is can you make the best of it.
