day by day

[chocolateeyes]

I told him (and I think he finally gets it) that our relationship will be so different.

I told my wife this, too, during her affair. That "if you end our marriage this way, I will never be your best friend anymore. I don't say that to be mean, but I just can't do that. I will wish you well and we'll be civil and do what's necessary as the parents of our children, but that 'best friends' relationship we've always had will be gone forever."

That killed her more than anything -- but I meant it.

Choc.

[ediemarie]

(((LWB))) just stopping by to offer hugs. I know this is difficult. My H came and left for a solid 18 months before he figured it out. I think the more he can see the changes in you now, of how you will be when the D is final, the more he will see what he is doing. Splitting your accounts is a great place to begin.

I know you've done so much already with giving him room, etc. Can you take some time off of work, take the girls out of school, and go somewhere - even for a long weekend? Let him get a real feel for living in the house alone?

Hugs,
Em

[SueS]

lwb-

I am so sorry for what's happening. I wish I could do something, anything to take away some of the pain you're feeling. And the anger......oh yeah. As you can probably tell from my posts, I don't typically let go with my anger. I couldn't stop on Sat. night. It just flew.

I wish I could say more. I have so many things flying through my head right now. I'll try to give you a call this week.

If I'm not posting much, don't think I'm not here. I am and I'm keeping you very, very close in my thoughts and prayers. I want to see you happy.

SueS

[Sara]

Hi LWB,

I'm sorry it's come to this. He insists on continuing his "bad Boy" behavior. You have no choice but to make him own his choices. I suspect he will continue to waffle and try to keep the security of his homelife while not giving up the freedom to date. You will have to be strong (as you are) to keep his feet to his chosen path.

[saffie]

I wouldn't mind if he was at a standstill with us, but to move forward and be meeting other people?

But you were out separately. I know why. I know you have two young girls and you can't just drop everything and be there for him all the time. I know he has to grow up BUT just maybe this kiss business was because he is hurting from the b/down of R with OW and he doesn't believe you really want him back. He is seeking comfort EVEN when he knows it is not going to help long term. He is going for the easy instant fix of another breathing warm body. The thought of all that he would have to do to right all the wrongs he has caused probably seems just so insurmountable to him at the moment. You even say you see the kiss as meaningless.

He is constantly seeking confirmation that you are not getting it on with someone else - all the calls to Hope's phone - this guy has MAJOR insecurity problems and OW IMHO made him feel like a MAN not a boy for a while.

If he is really wanting a D why feel guilty about kissing new OW.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted you to be fragile and 'need' him. My H always thought I was way too strong and he couldn't see any vulnerability in me which is why he thought I didn't care - even though I would tell him I loved him. My actions appeared different to him. Apart from the money he brought in he felt that he was surplus to requirements - he wasn't but HE felt like that. In your case you are even the main bread winner.

I don't know if I believe your H is telling other women he is getting divorced - I think he is saying that to twist the knife in you.

I would be F'ing livid if I was you - I am just trying to show you though that perhaps things look different from where your H is standing.

I know you don't need this crap honey and I wish your H would start using his brain instead of his mouth. I know that you will deal with this with the grace, poise and intellect you have always shown. You truly are an amazing woman and I do believe your H knows that and just maybe feels you are TOO good for him.

[fightingirish]

Lwb.. holy Cr@p... what the heck is wrong with him????? he's really messed up honey... You don't deserve to get hurt over and over again...

Saffie is right on.. I think he is aching for attention but this is certainly not the right way to get it. He is doing destructive hurtful things to you and making matters worse.

C is a good idea for you, just to get everything out and to talk to a third party.

Love you honey

(((((hugs))))

tal

[JAK58]

Hi Lwb,

Sorry i haven't been on all week last week. Caught up today and WOW talk about cycling!!!!!

I don't know if I would believe that he even kissed another women. I think he is trying to test you.

Just don't think it's over.

Just be patient and detached and take it day by day.
I do think that there is still hope for you but just prepare for it to go either way and take care of you.

JAK

[JAK58]

[/quote] He said he loves me, cares about me, doesn't want to leave if I am fragile, can't stand the thought of me being with someone else[quote]

This right here tells me that it's not what he really wants. If he's so worried about who your with then it's because he still wants you himself!!!!

JAK

[Yoyowife]

LWB,
I'm so sorry he is acting this way. He is a very sick individual. He needs to get help. You can not fix him. Please take care of yourself and those wonderful little girls.

Hugs,

[SallyM]

I don't know if I would believe that he even kissed another women. I think he is trying to test you.

see, I'm way more cynical...I don't believe he slept in his car. in the middle of winter. but that's just me.

What I do believe is you do need to take care of yourself, lwb, and you can't do this for him. he needs to fix himself. hopefully he will want to do so, but he just seems like a big old mess right now.