well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

thanks for your words, i'm feeling pretty weak now.
We talked, I brought it up, might've taken H by surprise, he said something like "but how r we going to work on things if we are not seeing each other" and I told him how I couldnt' even trust him when he says he has court or is late a bit, that I'm always second guessing me and him and I can't live like that. That he didn't do that one thing I ask him, to at least tell ow that there is no divorce & that he is w/me without disclosing how much he lied toher. That he has to arrange his priorities and put me and the kids on the top of his list (because right now we are so out of the equation in his mind).
Supposedly he did break it w/her and ask her not to call her, but she is still calling him (and he's still talking to her) and she was trying to get him back but that at this point he doesnt want anything ever w/her, that she was trying to talk him into believing that her contract w/her john was normal, that there is no way he'd even want an R w/her. He says he is trying to slowly let it go, that he told her they r just friends now and that eventually he'll stop all contact, that right now he is too weak to confront her.
I did tell him that as long as he is talking to her the separation will go on. That because of all that happened if we r to have an R there can't b a friendship between them. I asked him what would happen come march and there is no D, how would he explain that, he said that by then he won't be talking to her.
The phone he set up to be active for 2 billing cycles, I reminded him that that would mean doubling our cell bill and extending contact w/her so he agreed to revise the termination date and he'd return the phone on wednesday.
I did tell him that I don't want to be the one telling him what to do and "make" him take steps to forget ow, that he'd had to do that on his very own, that I had tried during these past year to be a good wife but also to fix him and "make" him love me, that whatever steps he makes have to be genuine and of his own making.

I really really need your advice as of how this S should go. We were working out the details last night, we talked about the time he'll have kids (will come home and b w/them as usual on his 2days off until I get home then he'll leave.) Financially we are keeping the $ together as we both agree this is a trial and hopefully temporary S (that if it gets to be permanent we'll go legal). I will still handle all the money and will give him what he needs.

What is hard for me to determine is contact, how often should we talk/see each other. He actually asked about V day, if we were still doing something, I told her if he was up to it so was I. How much should we communicate? the S is crucial and necesary, but also I wonder if we cut too much contact we'd make the already huge gap a grand canyon.
Feeling drained and faltering a bit. We watched a movie after d4 went to bed, I went to bed and he slept on the couch, sort of hurt a bit but I guess I better get used to it. He will try to be room mates w/a coworker, he's working on that now.
What is really breaking my heart is telling my s9, he is aware of how D affects kids, that's the other reason we will have one last MC this week, we agreed on going to MC 1x a month (he'll keep seing his T who does believe ow is nuts) and that we'll star with a 3mth mark and will adjust accordingly.