Ok honey. First and foremost - let go of the idea of "soulmates" - that will get you nowhere. Accept that you love your H, care about your H and are overall, good partners and parents BUT HE IS AN INDIVIDUAL. This sex stuff is sometimes someone's way of declaring their individuality, of being separate and the masturbating is more of the same. He is wary of being too close, being controlled, losing himself in the relationship. So - how about you pursue some of your own intersts, encourage him to pursue his and see if giving yorselves some emotional distance leaves room for a spark to grow between you. Read "Passionate Marriage" for more on this subject.
At the same time I think Fran's suggestion is a good one. Expand your definition of what is sexual and pursue some of that with your H. Be light about it. Let things flow and be what they are. Sometimes things will "click" sometimes they won't.
