Hmm..good point, (sorry to hijack this thread!)..my BF seems very depressed and dealing with alot of issues to do with his past, but he denies being depressed (well he did when he ended it with me in Nov). I was thinking of trying to be a friend for him and see how he is, but the general advice is DONT CONTACT them ! So I really dont know what to think. He too doesnt seem to have an OW, not at all from what I can see. I may be wrong, but he just looks too terrible and not at all happy. Just struggling with knowing whether to contact him, or not...
Just struggling with knowing whether to contact him, or not...
I think Brita may have abandoned this thread, so no harm done I don't think. But I was about to put a post on YOUR thread, Ali, and only came back here to lift a quote from you.
I just got done reading your story, I hadn't done that before I posted to you. Basically, I think you got excellent advice on your thread in response to where your situation is AT PRESENT. My own personal strategy only kicks in at the point where the runner/MLCer wants to have some contact with LBS -- that is the point where I began negotiating, not 'waiting for the fog to clear'. I do see the MLCer as suffering from depression, also as being a little bit crazed in response to midlife issues. The 'midlife issues' and the midlife transition is an expected developmental stage of adult life, but some/many individual responses to this developmental stage are verging on the pathological. So, because this is my view of MLC, this is my response -- at two levels: First, I am an RN, a seasoned nurse (well seasoned!) and I know that too much pampering of an invalid is never a good thing, it's best to encourage the strengths, not the weaknesses of an invalid or a disabled person, while at the same time not requiring what is obviously not possible. And second, I do value myself, my time and my caring, so if H wants to spend time with me it will not be only when the whim takes him, I also will need to have some input into the conditions of the contact which he desires, hence the negotiation. And actually, third, I think the regular, reliable contact of H with me is therapeutic for his condition -- it relieves him of needing to make a decision over contact, this is now something around which we both structure our week.
But where this will all lead to, Ali, is a total unknown. There are so many instances of returned MLC males, apparently re-committed to W and marriage, only to leave again. This really is a crapshoot, make no mistake about that! It's simply a case of making yourself as comfortable as you can during the interim.
Ahhh...Thannkyou, now I get it...at the mo, I am waiting for him to come to me a little, enough to negotiate some contact, but that doesnt mean that hes still not going to be in this depression/MLC whatever for a long time to come. Be great for some advice on my thread, thankyou! I think partly why its SO hard right now, is we moved so far from friends and family, and then he did this...
