Just struggling with knowing whether to contact him, or not...
I think Brita may have abandoned this thread, so no harm done I don't think. But I was about to put a post on YOUR thread, Ali, and only came back here to lift a quote from you.
I just got done reading your story, I hadn't done that before I posted to you. Basically, I think you got excellent advice on your thread in response to where your situation is AT PRESENT. My own personal strategy only kicks in at the point where the runner/MLCer wants to have some contact with LBS -- that is the point where I began negotiating, not 'waiting for the fog to clear'. I do see the MLCer as suffering from depression, also as being a little bit crazed in response to midlife issues. The 'midlife issues' and the midlife transition is an expected developmental stage of adult life, but some/many individual responses to this developmental stage are verging on the pathological. So, because this is my view of MLC, this is my response -- at two levels: First, I am an RN, a seasoned nurse (well seasoned!) and I know that too much pampering of an invalid is never a good thing, it's best to encourage the strengths, not the weaknesses of an invalid or a disabled person, while at the same time not requiring what is obviously not possible. And second, I do value myself, my time and my caring, so if H wants to spend time with me it will not be only when the whim takes him, I also will need to have some input into the conditions of the contact which he desires, hence the negotiation. And actually, third, I think the regular, reliable contact of H with me is therapeutic for his condition -- it relieves him of needing to make a decision over contact, this is now something around which we both structure our week.
But where this will all lead to, Ali, is a total unknown. There are so many instances of returned MLC males, apparently re-committed to W and marriage, only to leave again. This really is a crapshoot, make no mistake about that! It's simply a case of making yourself as comfortable as you can during the interim.
