I can only tell you waht I did and would do. It is not something that is appropriate for all MLCers.
I refused to accept Sweetheart's decision to file. What I accepted was that he felt it was best and validate it was what he wanted. I accepted that it was part of the process.
Validating (and accepting) are not synonymous with agreeing. I validating and at the same time told Sweetheart I did not agree. I told him that I realized he had to act as hefelt was best, but I also had to act as I felt was best--no hard feelings, but we both need to act in ways we feel our best. I would expect nothing less of you and hope you would expect nothing less of me.
I used the I don't believe in divorce--it's immoral--angle. That was a great escape clause--because for my side grounds were irrelevant. It didn't matter that he felt we had irreconcilable differences, that he didd't feel attracted to me etc; divorce is wrong...period.
I told him I would contest any and all action and that if it went that far, I would refuse to sign in the end--whether legally required or not, I was taking a moral and religious STand/position. He would have to be granted his divorce without my signature.
I did not do this begging or clinging--since neither of our feelings for each other were relevant given the morality angle. But I also told him love was another reason I refused.
Yes, he got angry. That sort of things is to be expected. It is what scares LBSs. But anger is going to happen. FAce it with strength and consistency. I didn't waiver.
He told me I was being vindicitve because I was contesting--there was no other reason. I told him "I'm sorry you feel that way."
He tried to bait me with arguments about how much it would cost or telling me how much I wouldn't get or asking how we would split things...
Regarding money, I told him that is how these things work. And then I always referred him to lawyers for legal--splitting assets etc--discussions. This made him mad too. But he learend relatviely quickly that I wasn't going to change in the face of his anger.
I was lucky. He stopped the divorce process only 2.5 months after the official filing date.
You have to decide where your Stand is. Will the moral angle work with your MLCer and is it something you believe in. If EITHER of those answers is NO, then find another angle. You can simply use the first part--I disagree that this is waht is best.
But whatever you do, be consistent because he will pull out every tactic to convince you otherwise and get you to change your mind--inlcuding the MLC common tactic of "we can always get married again after we divorce."
Finally, if you do not WANT a divorce, then don't tell him you will agree to one. You may accept it will happen, but that is not the same.
