One thing that I think you might relate to considering you knew/dated your H in high school:
My counselor and I discussed something. I've known my H since we were 10, but didn't date until we were freshman in college. But, I had a sort of impression of him, a high school impression of him. In HS, he was an "all around type of guy", came from a good family (the "well-to-do" side of town), was everything I would want in HS. When we started dating, I was still in the mind set of what I wanted my boyfriend to be (of course I was, b/c I was 18, fresh out of HS). But, we continued to date, eventually married. Now, I'm 29 y/o. All that time, I never adjusted our life to be mature "adults". I mean, of course, I grew more responsibility, etc. But, what I'm realizing now is that H didn't meet my mature needs. He is financially instable (if he didn't have parents who were well off, he would be screwed), he is indecisive, can't keep a committment (always jumps from job to job, even career to career) and was also emotionally insecure with himself.
I too, realized that I hadn't allowed myself to full mature until this separation, the OW bomb, sort of MADE ME. And I'm realizing just now what my mature needs are. It would be a man who can own up to his responsibilities, let go of his HS self.
I've realized, I need to start thinking for my mature self, rather than my HS self and what is important to me now. And, I'm realizing, for as much as I love H, how much does he really even meet my mature needs?
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
