Please help me!! My wife wants out!

[steve477]

Hey all,
Valentines day is coming up? Anyone know of a good gift idea that is both not too pressuring (like a diamond ring perhaps), but is intimate enough to be really appreciated (ie not a cd).
Saw a bit of light at the end of the tunnel this weekend.
She was talking aboit how difficult it would be to move away (because of the practicalities and because of my help I think).
She also said the doesnt know if she can give our marriage a chance at this time... which is an improvement from dead set on divorce. She also let doors open this morning. Recently she has been closing doors behind her, so I have to knock if I want to see her for something. But this morning she left them open (execpt the bedroom haha). I was out during the day both days at the weekend. She had contact with the OM by text on Saturday, but no contact on Sunday. (I think it is a case of he makes first contact usually as well.) We went out for dinner and a movie last night... I had suggested I might go and see a movie by myself, but she wanted to come, and it was her idea to eat out. We then talked when we came back. She initiated R talks. Said that she had nticed me not taking care of myself.. gaining weight, not shaving getting haircuts etc... She likes to see someone who is taking care of themselves (part of the reason the OM is attractive.)I toold her that I too was dissapointed in myself last year, I didnt do any of the things I wanted to do (all the while just talking about them). I told her that I cant make verbal promises I just have to do it. I am doing it for myself, but it was this sitch that gave me the immputus to start. She said it would have been better to start before, which I wholeheartedly agree with!! Part of the worries about staying with me are, that she has seen a change in me, but she said she couldnt bear to see me slip back into `old ways` after the crisis is over. And one of the others is that she cant forgive herself for what she did.Can control the first, but not the second. I think the second will get easier over time I hope. It wont be at the front of the mind forever.
One problem I see in the future is if she wants to give R another chance... she works with the OM. She cant stop seeing him, I might be able to ask that she doesnt make contact out of work ours, but is that going to intensify their R in work (that is where the adultery happen, after working late). Do I have to ask her to show me her eamils and stuff, or am I just supposed to try and trust her again?

Thanks very much, any ideas for Valentines Day from those who have had to make the same choices would be much appreciated!

Steve