I think I feel smothered

[WAS32]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I haven't been in here for a little while cuz he is jealous of this forum. He is acting more insecure and has less trust in me than I do him. It has been very difficult lately. Not sure where I am going with this but I am at least trying with what little energy I have left. And no I have not gone and punched her in the face YET! Still have a lot of anger towards her. She really played being my friend for the last 5 months. She could have left me alone and pretended that she didn't want anything to do with me, but no, she had to keep phoning and telling me it was me she wanted not my husband. Why go to that extent of a lie just to have an A. (my H doesn't think she is lying and no I have never gone there with any W before) Well I hope she is lonely and bloody miserable.

I have noticed that my H is having a hard time with me not trusting him anymore. But how the heck can I. I can not get this out of my mind. I know he feels that she betrayed him and lied to him too. I have let him have those feelings and tried not to belittle them. But as far as I am concerned she was paid like a hooker. Sorry just venting about this. I am angry at times. And I am definately having a hard time with the whole sex thing. I know that sex makes my h feel connected to me and I have tried to have sex with him, but the A seems to pop into my head in the middle of it. I start thinking about what he is thinking about. Is it her? Would he rather be doing her? Is he hoping I will do something that she did for him? And Then I feel like I just freeze up and stop enjoying it. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I don't know if I can do this. Thanks for reading. Any advice is always good!!!!