First off, blame Saffie for drawing me over onto this forum...I'm a sucker for a hot woman with a whip
I haven't read your entire situation so forgive me for my lack of knowledge but your wife and OM....I'm assuming that it's done?? And now I assume that you're doing the DBing, working on yourself, etc.... in hopes of her coming around and life will be good?
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this and I'll probably read this later and wonder what the hell I was trying to get across. (I'm layed up in a hospital bed and heavily medicated so be patient ) But I'm reading your posts and I'm sensing a lot of pent up negativity towards your wife....understandably so!
A little history on Ole IC...my ex-wife and I went through a somewhat similar situation as you. She was having an affair (unknown to me) and she asked if I would move out so she could "work on herself"...I got the whole "I love you but not in love" bit. I moved, started working on myself...found out about the affair and that it had ended. I found myself still hoping to work things out with her, but ill feelings were taking over. Divorce papers come...divorce goes through...all the while, these negative feelings are building but in the back of my mind, I'm STILL hoping for a chance to work things out but starting to move forward with my life.
Then one day I get "THE CALL"...she thought she had made a mistake and wanted to try and work on us. Maybe we could have worked things out, but all the negative thoughts I had about her finally won out and swayed my opinion or attraction to her...I declined.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this...I know you might have ill feelings towards your wife, she's the enemy right? Don't lose sight of what it is you're trying to get back to...the positives. Give the positives feelings towards her equal playing time because there might come a time when SHE is ready to work on the two of you and you won't see a point in it because you've lost sight of what drew you to her in the first place.
Ok, pain meds are kicking in...back to my state of dreaming...{"Ok Saffie which whip do you have chosen for me today? Ohh nice choice...I probably won't be able to sit for a week" }
Good insights there IC - I've been thinking along those lines myself.
H - so excited that you had a great night last night. Enjoy that PMA boost!!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ok I am going to come clean here... First.... I.C.... Thanks Ya I know Saffie can be bossy sometimes
“I haven't read your entire situation so forgive me for my lack of knowledge but your wife and OM....I'm assuming that it's done?? And now I assume that you're doing the DBing, working on yourself, etc.... in hopes of her coming around and life will be good?”
Wow you assumed nothing this is right on... at least I know the physical part is over.... don’t know if they still talk I have not looked at the phone bill in months..
But I'm reading your posts and I'm sensing a lot of pent up negativity towards your wife....understandably so!
If this is showing it must be true. I don’t realize it...but actions speak louder that words so I must be sending that message out...
Then one day I get "THE CALL"...she thought she had made a mistake and wanted to try and work on us. Maybe we could have worked things out, but all the negative thoughts I had about her finally won out and swayed my opinion or attraction to her...I declined.
IC I am so sorry, I HOPE this does not become the case with me... I really don’t think it is at this point. But........ I have not pursued or talked R since October....... I do have the feeling that if I do and if it is taken negatively then yes I may move on...
I guess what I'm trying to say is this...I know you might have ill feelings towards your wife, she's the enemy right? Don't lose sight of what it is you're trying to get back to...the positives. Give the positives feelings towards her equal playing time because there might come a time when SHE is ready to work on the two of you and you won't see a point in it because you've lost sight of what drew you to her in the first place.
Thanks I just me print this out and put it on my desk. (Change a few words so if W sees it she won’t know it is directed towards her.
Ok for everyone I did not e-mail this is what happened to me last night... I little cut and paste and a few deletions...
Security went great... no big issues one lady had way too much to drink when she left... So I made sure she had a ride... anyway ... There was this 'friend" of w cousin. She has Blond wavy hair and the most beautiful blue eyes. She had a little too much to drink.. she knows I am married. her husband passed away 2 years ago..... anyway she wanted to buy me a beer and I told her I was working and could not drink..... So after a while she came outside to have a cigarette and just hung around me talking....... after the event was over I went inside to talk to W cousins and some people I knew there and she was all over me..... She wanted me to take her to the store to buy me some beer and her some wine and then go to her house and "hot tub".... I told her I did not have a suit and she said who cares about suits........I was really thinking of going.... (This would have made Mark the king of no sex.... If it counts because she was not my wife... It’s been over 1 year OMG Anyway. I didn't have anything to drink so this at least made me think with a straight head..... I so wanted to go.....but when she was not looking me kind of slipped into the crowd and told Cousin that friend had too much to drink and please apologize to her but I had to go.... and I left...... But....... She was standing out front when I left and watched me leave... Don't know if she knows my Jeep...... I so wanted to go with her but did not ONLY because I am "married".... ..........I am having a triple Jack Daniel over the rocks right now..... Good thing son is here because I just may have told W tonight that I don't want to be married....Why is she making me close between hurting my son and being happy???? How can she sooo easily sleep with some guy and here I am Faithful for over a year without any Sex from her and I still can't "cheat"... I have no reason to remain faithful do I? 24 hour rule I know hopefully in the morning my PMA will be back but.... to be honest with you........If the situation had happened a little different... like she was not a friend of Cousin..... And I had a little to drink..... I could have very easily been sitting in a hot tub right now....I could not even tell her I was happily married....... I could not tell her that W and I are having problems and I don’t think it would be a good idea if I went over because if I did that the “cat would be out of the bag.....
Ok remember that was last night........ So I have not said anything to W...... But..... Don’t know how many of you remember but my truck threw a lifter, It’s do for smog and Since the lifter went bad I was just going to park it until I get back from vacation.... Well I did try some things and added some stuff to it but it did no good...I had it parked at my mom’s house and Saturday started it up and brought it home still had a bad lifter....... WELL today when the phone guy cam over I went out to move my truck ............No Noise....... The lifter unstuck itself...... I am not a religious man. This is probably why I am in the situation I am in but......... I think HE may be telling me I made the right decision last night...... Don’t know when or what I am going to tell Wife about our R and me not being happy.....I have 20 MORE DAYS till the Vegas trip so I still have time to think of something....
Dr.Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know you may sorta be regretting not going to the hot tub thing, but think of how you'd be feeling if you HAD gone (and especially if the likely/logical "next steps" had happened). My guess is you'd be feelin' pretty bad about it, today. So enjoy the ego boost and endorphin "high" but minus the guilt of following through with it!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
You handled that with about as much integrity as I have ever seen someone do. I am a pretty straight-n-narrow kind of guy myself (even more-so than in days gone by, before I became a father), and even I don't know what I would have done -- especially with such a "dish" served up... on a silver platter.
(On the other hand, given how shell-shocked I am from my W's underhandedness, the W's cousin connection would have me thinking set-up.)
Dude, you are such a stalwart, faithful guy -- your W is nuts to not cherish that in you. I thought that's what women really want and need in a husband. Man, what is it with these WAW's?
I know I am a rookie and all -- just passed 250 days last week. But I have considered giving my W the Ultimatum; I am starting to feel that at some point I will not be able to hold out for her much longer. Frankly, I don't know how I am going to make it a year, and I keep praying to God to give me the strength.
Nocodeblues I TOTALLY agree with you. After meeting him in Sonoma all I could think is H's wife is freaking insane!!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Stop it ya are making me blush. ..... I do admit it was not a easy decision...I was sooooooo Tempted...... and No code it was not a set up....I knew and have met W cousins Friend before and have always loved her eye's... I didn't realize her husband passed... Still need to call W cousin and ask about that... No it was no set up but..... If I did it the whole family would find out and..... well......then the whole story would be out... would make for a awkward b-day party......BUT.... this is a good memo to my self to look this person up if or when papers are signed....As for holding out No Code..... Day by day..... That is all I can say.... Ask everyone here..... I will say "ok on the 1st I am giving up"..... Then the 1st arrives and I say "well maybe I'll wait until son in back in school"..... Son is back in school and I say.....ok after X mas.........Well now I am "well before/during or after my vacation"............ As for the no sex part..... In the beginning it was really easy.... I thought my W had some medical condition ;)(she is 6 years older that me). I married for better or worst... this in the contract I signed with her and god....... but....... After I found the pictures........I knew I had been played a sucker.... And I could not tell or convince her but.... I think what hurts me even more is I am SURE this MARRIED Ex BF was just using her for a piece of a$$....No code you said:
"Dude, you are such a stalwart, faithful guy -- your W is nuts to not cherish that in you. I thought that's what women really want and need in a husband. Man, what is it with these WAW's?"
Apparently not... I mean this guy she slept with IS MARRIED... So she must be looking for a man that will cheat on his wife... Ok back to work..WOW everyone I am into my teens... 19 more days.....This time next month I will have returned..... Wonder what I will be writing about....Oh Saffie it won’t just be about the show girls.....Maybe about my tattoo....I was thinking something along the line of Saffie naked on a horse or Nikki in her belling dancing outfit.... So both of you will need to send me pitures so I can decide on which and bring the design in.
Oh ya forgot to tell ya a person RsVP’d my party and told my W they just got back from Vegas and saw this show called KÀ CIRQUE DU SOLEIL.....Said is a must see show... W told me that if I wanted to go I should get the tickets now because they are hard to get. That is if I wanted to go see it with XXXXXX (friend that lives in Vegas) or whoever..... What????? What did she mean by "who ever???"
Has she written me off already???? Does she want me to find someone so I will leave her??? Or was she testing me????? I don’t know; I don’t care at this point... but a little puzzling…
They call me Doctor Love.. ..Keep the hot tub HOT....
Last edited by husband; 01/28/0812:50 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
..Keep the hot tub HOT....