Big big hugs to you NCB...you were trying so hard. It sounds like your w feels like she has given you 'enough chances' to come and get your computer stuff, but that you have been caught surprised by her demand to get it out NOW.
I can put myself in her shoes. She is trying to gain control of the situation to make you bend to her wishes so she feels better. Best case scenario I can think of for moving forward is to not mention the fight again, other than do what you already have done (to apologise for losing your temper). If she brings up the topic again you could consider saying some of the following:
"I allowed myself to get angry. I am sorry for that" "I can imagine that you might have been nervous about what I would say when you told me to take my stuff. I understand that you felt that you had been clear in the past about getting my stuff. I am happy to get the computer stuff out of your way, I just wasn't ready to do it then and there and was caught on the back foot and responded poorly"
I dunno if that helps...I'm typing out of my bottom here, but I know the sort of situation you are talking about. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. A doormat if you give in and the worst person in the world if you try to stand up for yourself. 180s don't seem to work in this situation - do you feel the same way?
