Trixi movin' on up...

[Dom R]

And wow- "first year". Yikes. You have a lot of patience and must really love your wife and value your family.

you mean I really do love my wife, and care about what's best for our children?
huh.
good to know.
maybe you can let her know that?

[Trixi]

Update:
Went on date with H on Friday.
Met him at the old (our) house. It was a disaster (stuff everywhere), obviously he had had guys over- drink glasses, etc around. In fact, he gave me a hard time about wearing my shoes indoors and I said "because I don't want to get my socks dirty!". It was a joke (the floors weren't THAT dirty) but it obviously was no longer a "shoes off" house.

Anyway, I noticed that all the pictures of 'us' in the living room were face down. Not the pics of DD, his mom, etc. I started to tear up. I didn't mean to and I tried SOOOO hard not to, but it just hurt. He was having me listen to some stuff he wrote/recorded and then noticed I was upset. I just said I was sad about the pics. He said "Well, I'm taking those bookshelves away anyway." [which I already knew he intended to do] Here is where it gets weird-- there is a poster sized collage my mom made for our wedding- on one side of the sheet is pics of me from baby on up, the other side pics of him from baby on up, then in the middle are pics of the two of us and the two of us with the kids, etc. She had written the Corinthians "and the greatest of these is love" quote. Put the wedding date on it. Of ALL the pics in the house, I had sort of thought this might be one of the first to go. It is located in the den/library. So it's not in the MAIN living area, but it can be seen when walking from the front door to the living room. ANYWAY- he walks into the den and says "I'm leaving this one up. I was looking at it the other day and thinking." I asked what about and he said "how cute...*I* am. haha. I was just thinking. [pause] I'm leaving it up as a reminder." I say "as a 'reminder', huh?" and he says "yup". Odd??

Go to Thai dinner. As usual for this restuarant, it was delish. Somehow convo ends up with us talking about cool places to travel- I mention how a tour company we have used has fantastic prices on trips to Thailand and he asks "when is there next trip?" I say I don't know and he says "look into it. We should go." ???!!! I did look into it and unfortunately the 19 day trip is starting Jan 23rd. No way for us to make that trip.

Go to Cloverfield. It was great except for the jerkiness of the camera made H sick- literally. He got ill a couple times outside the theater.

He is considering renting a room to one of the band members. (Apparently his band thing is going pretty good. They are now jamming at our/his house.) They are still in the beginning stages. Don't even have a name yet.

I stayed over. (Duh.)

He might come over for dinner sometime this week and to play our PS2 game.

There is a trip to Hong Kong/Japan/Taiwan at the end of Feb that I floated past him, but I don't know if he'll want to go since a good portion of it is on a cruise ship. He's "thinking" about it. I WISH the Thailand trip was scheduled more for March/April. Not sure where to turn to put together our own trip; would prefer a more 'guided' tour.

So, there you have it.
I am left going "Huh????"

[MaxP]

Any other updates Trixi?

[Mother Magee]

Trixi, I read your early posts, and this thread. Seems that we are neighbors, judging from the restaurants you mentioned! Our stories have some similarities as far as the thought processes that seem to be going on in our H's heads. They can't seem to decide if they are afoot or ahorseback. Frustrating as can be. But you do have a HUGE advantage in that you and H still see each other and communicate. On many levels. (Lucky you!)

But I'm with Max on this. Any updates?

[Trixi]

Hey guys!
I don't have anything new in my sitch, per se.

H came over last night for dinner, movie and video games. He brought his new (to him) jeep that he got for 4wheeling/sharing with his son. He also brought his guitar and 8 track recorder with some songs he and the band had recorded. Good stuff.

I can't remember the timeline for the next statements, so I am just going to write them down as I recall them:
-He said that in 2005 when he told me about his "plan" to leave, he had made up his mind, but I was so upset he thought he should "try". But looking back, he can see that he didn't really try. (I told him I knew that, but I felt vindicated that he finally admitted it to me (prior he always said that he *did* try.)
-He said that he thought going to Thailand (or a trip) would be good for us, but acknowledged that it's a bit odd given our situation.
-Reiterated that he loves me and will always "be there" for me; that he's always my friend.
-Said that he thinks he needs to help his son and that since he and I butt heads over what to do, this is a good thing for him to do on his own. (I agree.)
-Doesn't know where we are headed. Did the old "If we're meant to be together, we will be" thing. (I told him that I understand he is confused and I am certainly not pressing for any concrete answers.)
-Thinks it's good for both of us to become more independent of each other.
-He told me to research when the best time of year is to go to Thailand. (It's NOT in the summer, FYI.) I found out that Costa Rica would be a great option in May. (He ended up suggesting May as a possible time to travel.)

A bandmate, who is 25, is seriously considering moving in with H. So, H could have a 25 yo male and a 21 yo male (son) living with him within the next few months. H seems to be very happy with his bachelorhood. He does miss me, but obviously not enough to make any changes towards the marriage.

He did stay over.

After re-reading what I wrote, I think I sound like an idiot. OTOH, over in the MLC forum they say that you should be understanding and their "friend" while they go thru whatever it is they need to go thru.

I don't know. My "update" sucks.

[Trixi]

Hey MAX!
Shame on you!!
I asked you for an update a couple days back on your thread and you didn't post one.
tsk tsk tsk


What's going on in your world?

[MaxP]

Trixi,

Sounds like your H is relaxing into a bachelor style existance at his house. I wonder how he will feel about things a few months down the line, if he still has a house full of twentysomething males. I can see the life might be attractive for a short time, but perhaps not long term? I mean, he's not 20 anymore?

Still he sounds a bit more realistic about what's going on in his head. Not sure about the merits of the holiday though.

Max

[Trixi]

Why the doubts regarding going on vacation together?

(I'm not disagreeing or agreeing-- just curious what pitfalls you might be seeing.)

I see that you have an update on your thread- I'll go check it out.

[Dom R]

FYI; family vacations have been a good positive point in my marriage , even after separation.

I remember that my wife used to tell me that it meant a lot to her as a child, that her family used to go away for a weekend, practically once every month. So, i try to provide that for her and our children when she is interested in it.

I didnt use to do that. So that is a big "180" for me.

[Trixi]

Dom, I think I know how you'll answer this but I'll ask - if she suggested just the two of you go on a trip, would you go?