It has been 6 months since I have seen or spoken to, or known anything about him.
That sucks big time and it must really hurt. I am truly sorry.
But I can tell that you are a strong and fiercely independent person and though 6 months seems like an eternity, in the span of a life it is a mere blip. The landscape of this strange time will look so different to you 2 years from now.
He was the love of your life and it's a very devastating loss. I truly know that grief. I also had the grief of 4 children to cope with during the worst times and though this may sound weird to you, be thankful you did not have children with him before he did this--it makes everything about a million times harder and being bound for life to a person who hurt you so badly is not desirable--at least it isn't for me! It also makes "having my own life" a much bigger challenge because I am a single parent now.
I'm not trying to say your pain isn't as valid or as real as mine...one thing I have learned here is that no matter how long the marriage, no matter if there are children, no matter if the marriage was "good" or "had trouble" we all have very deep grief when a marriage falls apart. I just, well, like my signature says, try to look on the bright side 'cause as dark as this cloud is, there are some silver linings.
